I don't mean to complain and whine as much as I do about where I work; It's just that I am unhappy there. Often, I feel like I am a prisoner. I keep applying for new work. I have an outstanding resume with good work experience, Plus a solid education background.
I work in a sales environment; A majority of the people are greedy about selling for money, Self absorbed caring little for anyone else who does better than they do. Which actually is not difficult to do better than them; People, who cheat other people consistently, Cheat only, themselves in the end. As, far as, I am concerned. A good person is never alone. A good man is never alone; A good woman is never alone. I just want out; It is a dirty, destructive, unhealthy environment. I have come to accept in this place, I am on my own. I have no alliance to find comfort in; The people are deceptive in a way, They think, no one knows nor sees. Well, subtly it may not appear as it is; But, in the light of the eternal truth there can be no hiding.
Their lying, gossip, deceitful, greed, meanspirited and cruel behavior will have repercussions. I keep one thought in my head daily, A scripture reading about how I should treat people; And, how I long to be treated, Jesus Christ said, 'If God were your father you would love me.'
I continually, on a daily basis forgive these people who lie about me (And, to my face.), gossip behind my back, steal my work, and regularly treat me with disrespect. Pretty regularly I am left out of the loop. Which loud and clearly tells me, they don't think I am worth talking to. How would you feel, To be consistently-silently-underhandedly "Put down." I just want out; They have proven to be unteachable. I feel like I am wasting my time, and my talent, Spinning my wheels. Am I dreaming to think I deserve to work in a better, healthier environment? Am I asking for too much thinking I deserve to work with qualified, intellegent, professional, decent people? They are not even creative when it comes to new and improved ways of utilising office politics to harm another person's ability to work, And, their career. The worst part of this, Is not how they act, and treat me. It is not that they lie, steal and decieve.
The worst part, Is I am beginning to respond to it. I am beginning to get angry at how ignorant, stupid and dumb they do act. I am not stupid, I do not give them consent nor permission to make me feel like I am less of a person. There is nothing they can do to make me think otherwise. I am tired of wishing they could be more; Know more, Believe more and behave in the best way. I am frustrated at their inability to see beyond their ego, arrogance and pride. I cannot believe they would sell their human dignity, integrity for such a little price as money. The only thing they can see with their limited vision is to feel like a better person; They have to put down another person. Like, there is only a little bit in the world; And, they want it all.
I don't come nor operate from a place of empitness. I come from a place of fullness and being completely loved. There are not limited amounts. If there were I would not place more value on the object, than the people. People selling away other people, throwing other people under the bus. This is poverty of soul, of spirit, of God given gifts. I guess I am frustrated mostly with myself; For not know how to respond to it anymore. The lack of knowledge for how to react to them, anymore frustrates me. Because, I want it to be the best most perfect, healing and natural way of acting. I am afraid it won't be; And, I just want out. I am not a violent nor irrational person. I don't cope well with feelings I cannot manage; And, I have plenty unresolved issues in regards to each of these people. Many of which I've let go; Belive, me I've let a lot 'GO' Lying, deceitful, greedy, sick people anyway. Any normal, well-adjusted, intellegent person would have left a long time ago. I am reasonably sure of that truth. Maybe, I should just take a leap of faith; And, believe if I jump, God will catch me.
He always has. He's never let me down; He's always made a way for me. Perhaps, whatever I came to do at this workplace, I've done already which could mean I am reasonable in my frustration, irritation, annoyance and disgust with these people. In all reality, honestly only God could move their hearts to be changed~~If he was their father. I'll keep look forward, toward another job and workplace, Keep looking to going back to college. When I leave the building behind me, I will shake the dust off of my shoes in protest.
