Close in the ranks

It is a warm, overcast day in N. Portland today; Which, is actually kind of frightening. There are funnel clouds, here! I've started long-distance running again, and oh my is it nice. My body just melted away a lot of the weight. My breasts are disappearing?! It is nice, to work it out. To sweat it out. To think it out and feel it in my lungs, in my blood and my body.

I am on campus, I've got two mid-term exams tomorrow. Plus, I had to let my room-mate have his space. We have one couch, a little dark red (Color of this post, Even?) that we take turns sitting on. I know this has to be part of our problem. I'd bring in some of my own chairs, or furniture but it feels weird to me, to do that. It really does. I don't want to.

He started to talk to me Thursday as I rushed home, dropped off my bookbag and ran to the bar down the street (The one he told me not to go to) to watch the Blazer-Phoenix game. I was surprised, and glad too. I didn't even ask him why he ignored me or anything. I just, 'let it go.' I was prepared to see how long he could continue ignoring me. I was starting to find it humourous. Good Gawd, are we in the fourth grade---Or, what? Now, I just make it a point to tell him, every time he uses the delicate pink tea kettle, "Did you fill it back up? Would you PUH-LEASE?"

As many times as I have to. That will help me. He is quick--he watches everything I do and say and will follow suit. Whatever I do, that bothers him--I'm sure he'll tell me. I've made it a point, to stay gone if I want to get work done. We can't be in the house together when we have work to do. We chat, which invariably always turns into some kind of debate, or fight or disagreement about some damn thing or another. He promises me, "We will always disagree." Ah, where would the world be if we all just got along?

Amazingly, I've learned to understand the popular saying, "Do you want to be right? Or, do you want to be happy?" I want to be happy. Sometimes you have to let things go for yourself and through yourself to get to that happiness. And this room-mate is a good guy and I want good things for him. And in wanting good things for him, I want him to be happy too. So I'll pick and choose my battles. Make sure my soldiers are squared away and prepared to do battle. Check the artillery, Do recon., and map out the trajectory then close in the ranks...as they say.

I sure do miss my family. I dreamed about my daddy last week. I do miss him almost every day. This room-mate distracts me from those old aches and pains.

I don't know if that is a good thing. Maybe it is. My friends and family have been dying for me to be a part of a couple F-O-R-E-V-E-R it was my daddy's dying wish even. A lot of my friends and family are very glad I live with a man. Which is too funny, because it is not that kind of situation. He has a lady friend, he spends almost every night with her. And my paramour is my schoolwork. I have to be singleminded about my schoolwork. Nothing is more important to me, than succeeding and succeeding well. There is a small list of my life 'to do' things right now. And, relationship/friendship is NOT on that list. I keep telling my friends and family that he has a lady friend. I'm not on the market, and so on and so forth. But, they are so excited I think the part of their brain that listens to me, Is shut down or something?

I've been reading a lot. Where I live is very peaceful compared to how it used to be when I lived farther NE. I am finishing up Lolita (again)....Starting a new book about Shakespeare and finishing up Ray Carver books. There is not enough hours in a day...If I could I would read all day--Every day. I've begun to use my 'fun reading' as a way of rewarding myself for being a good girl, and getting my schoolwork done! It is a good motivator. Well I'm gonna go find something to eat. I'm hungry and gotta some reading to do.

Superhero

I have super human powers; I am invisible. My room-mate hasn't spoke to me, since damn Saturday night. I have abso-freaking-lutely no idea, nor clue why he seems to have lost his tongue, and voice when it comes to me?
I laughed at myself; Last night, because he and I just made up like Thursday or Friday. It started with a big-a*s fight because he didn't fill up my delicate pink tea kettle after he poured boiling water out of it.
Now, there's a few things people have to know about me. I don't have many (oh, okay maybe I do have more than I care to admit.) pet peeves but a big one is...FILL UP THE TEA KETTLE. I don't care if I have to empty the garbage, or wash the dishes every damn day. I don't care, if I have to sweep the big a*s wooden floor and mop it every week. I don't care, if I never get a break from any of said chores. All I care, is when I stumble around out of bed, hair piled up atop my head, eyes half way open, half way seeing, fumbling-trying to see the damn switch to turn on the stove to make the tea kettle boil---is that it is full of water. Not 1/2 way full, not 1/4 way full, not even a damn 3/4 full...I WANT the damn thing, full to the brim. If I have that, I am a happy woman, and the world can turn. If I have that in the morning, I am good to go. It is all I want, in the whole world.

So, last week, he not only leaves the kettle 1/2 way full, he also leaves my french press decanter, full of his grounds?

Not such a good idea. An unhappy and angry Melisa--BITES. If you mess with my morning coffee ritual, be prepared to lose a limb or something.
Anyway, we got into it, so badly when he came home whatever-morning it was we made up. I made him go to get his own french press decanter. Which he did, it was so bad I apologized to the man. I felt badly about how hard and bad it was we fought. That he went out and bought his own decanter..I felt sheepish, embarassed and JUST downright bad for having such a fit. .

So, we get through the horrors of that situation, I showed I could be a big-grown up person and apologize....things are going well. Then, all of a sudden out of no-where he stops speaking to me after Saturday night?
I've just kind of let it go on, and figure when he feels like it he'll talk to me. Last night I was doing the little bit of dishes we use. I looked over at the stove at the delicate pink tea kettle and was afraid to touch it. I was afraid to lift it to check if it was full. For fear, if it wasn't I'd flip out. Yep, you guessed it.

It was 1/2 way full? OMG I jumped up and down...OMG I just could have died. I filled it up. As I did dishes I looked over at the counter and there sat TWO dirty french press decanters. So now that he doesn't leave mine dirty....I can wash his too?

How much sense does that make? How did I win, in that situation? I made him go get his own decanter, so mine won't be dirty....Now, I have two to clean? The irony. OMGosh the irony. If anyone shouldn't be speaking to anyone...it should be me...not speaking to him. I do think, he waved at me this a.m. But, I am used to being invisible now.
I am a superhero, with superhero capabilities...The invisible room mate...?

Yeah, whatever.

Terribly, awfully and deeply.

It is warm, but overcast in N. Portland this fine Wednesday early afternoon. I am on campus; Got some research to do. Our ever, so wonderful Ethics proffessor decided for some odd and strange reason to give to us, poor college students FOUR case brief's to do! OMGosh, you should have heard the room of people groan...when, he said four? Plus, we also have to do our own research! Other professors, find and post the cases for us to read. Ah well. The fun stuff is over with. It is serious work now. My new roommate and I made it through our first week unharmed. Alright! I was terribly troubled, at how well he and I were getting. Terribly, awfully and deeply worried. It was far too good to be true. We believe a lot of the same things; In a different way?But, we are very alike, he creeped me out last night, we were visiting. He got up went to the fridge then said to me, "Do you want some Cranberry Juice?"
I love Cranberry Juice. I always drink Cranberry Juice, but just hadn't had the time to get any myself. I never told him that; But, there it was.
How do complete strangers as he and I were, Come together, get along so well, and be so alike? I am amazed, confounded and super grateful. We'll be friends. We have wonderful conversations, have a deep love for our families, enjoy reading the newspaper together over our morning coffee, and we support each other. Is it normal, to wait for something to go or be wrong? I waited the whole first week for the other shoe to drop. For there to be something odd, strange and too weird about him. Nothing...I got nothing! He's a good guy. We share a big-beautiful house and have fun as room-mates.

I am so into Macbeth, and Shakespeare. I absolutely understand the droves of people who are into his works, I do. I am fascinated, captivated and want ALL things William Shakespeare. I am still reading a lot of Vladimir Nabokov too. I've got a few more Raymond Carver books too. I wanted, to get some more. But, I had to stop myself. I already drag around at least four books for 'fun' reading. I will continue to take more Literature courses. I can't help myself, I love it soo much! Sherman Alexie is going to be on one of our College Campus'. I want to try and go to see him. If I get a chance, I'll have to share what I thought and felt about his 'Diary of a Part-time Indian.' book. And maybe get him to autograph the books of his, I have.

I had a quiet low-key Easter. I went to all three days of Easter Services. There is said, to be special blessings when one goes to all three days of the Triduum. I love, this new church I go to. I do. I've been writing every day which is nice. I've not been able to in quite awhile. I fired off a smart alecky email, to my favorite reader/responder. His April Fool's got me good! I'm not much of a April Fool's joker. I'm afraid I'm not very creative. I've got nothing. So, lemme get outta here to get work done.
It is what I'm supposed to be doing, Afterall?