All the King's men and all the King's horses

For quite a few days now, I've been trying and striving mightily to tend to a broken heart. And I just don't know how I am going to make it through it, again. My heart is wounded and broken....Having been struck by love. Having been touched and comforted and loved. While now, no more it is. I have a wounded, sore and hurting heart. I am so hurt and where I didn't ever not want to be. My heart is broken. And, I do not know how to put it back togther again...'Fell off the wall' 'Had a great fall.' All the kings men and all the Kings horses couldn't put the heart together again. That'll teach me to fall in love again. I think like many people in the world maybe--I say, 'I'm never going to do that again. Ever.' and 'How could I be so stupid?' Kick yourself in the buttend. 'What was I thinking? I knew this was going to happen.' No matter what the words; The pain of a broken heart is constant. The sorrow of an ending love is one long dull ache which will not cease till, Perhaps it is good and ready too. If I knew a time, the pain, hurt and sorrow would end. I would just look forward to that and ignore the stages of the ending...Like, any good person would.

The world, and earth and men and women and people have a way of reminding one of a love which is no longer. In signs, and symbols...That are maybe nothing--But, the world speaks to a broken heart. I was in love with a man who has children....So, now I notice men walking with their children and it moves my heart to him...And, it hurts. Because he doesn't want me, anymore. I was in love with a man who drove a Toyota pick up...So, now I see a lot of Toyota pick ups and they stop me in my tracks...To feel my broken heart...Because, he doesn't want me anymore. I was in love with a man I used to hold and hug and want. He doesn't want me anymore. I've held on for a long time--In hopes he would come back to me. The cold hard reality is he won't. He doesn't want to. He hasn't.

There ain't no shortcuts, and no easy ways out of this. To get through this, I have to go completely through it. Feel the pain, hurt and loss of a good man in my life. For reasons I don't know, can't know and refuse to know. My heart is soo broken. I just want to be done with the horror of this feeling. I move into the sadness, and the sorrow and out of it. I move into maybe some anger, and hurt...Then, step back out of it. So at the end of one day...Sometimes I might be right where I started at, Not having progressed into any type of living, healing, forgiving...Strengthening. Whatever. But at every thought, meditation and facing the hurt and sorrow I have to ask myself, 'Do you really know what love is?' And, I think on those words and feelings. And, when I hold my broken heart in my hand I think of how the man I had loved must feel, also. How his heart must be wounded too. And, I commit his healing, power and strength to God the Holy Trinity. Then, a still small part tells me what love is....

And, my broken heart seeks to comfort the broken heart of the man I've loved...and little by little I feel tiny healings and dealings of

'All the King's men and all the King's horses.' As they try to put me together again.