Shivers up my Spine.

More than a need to eat food; And, drink water for the thirst of the body a woman or man in this world needs to be loved. Or, perhaps to love....Cart before the horse, Whichever. In my literature class yesterday, the professor played the first part of 'Lolita' on tape narrated by Jeremy Irons....Oh, it sent shivers up my spine. Loooolita...,To have one's name said in such a way. Never mind, what the story really says. A lot of the students in class were disturbed by it, a full grown man desiring a 12-year old girl. I am super-disturbed at it. As, a mother of a beautiful girl, myself. I would just as soon die, before such a man/boy or whatever has any such designs on her.
It is a beautifully-masterfully written story of desire; OMGosh, is it. It speaks to the most carnal, deepest, most sacred-secret part within us each, Our need and desires and the potential and power of what it could do to a person.
It'll ruin a person; Build, and create a person. It'll lift, and drown all at the same time. At the very beginning of the story; I didn't miss the 'Seraphs' devil and God mention. Is it really so different; That desire, could it be so dangerous? Ah yeh, it is and can be. There is a very clear line drawn in sand one cannot cross to hold onto their own immortal soul: No dating relatives (First cousins, down seven generations.); Carelessness-wastefulness with people's feelings/hearts; Infidelity if there is even a smallest commitment between two.
That is all I could think of now; Which, are pretty big and good clear lines, boundaries and protection for a desiring heart.
I don't own the book Lolita yet; But, I do look forward to reading it. I think, No I'm sure I've read it or portions of it in my life. The image on the cover is a little disturbing, given what the book is about. Those are little girl legs. I know a lot of men, who are fascinated and captivated by the youth of a girl in a woman. I have a favorite outfit that I wore forever, a gray-black-white Catholic girls skirt, with a white undershirt and a black sweater....with long white knee socks and my penny loafers.
I loved it; And, had a boyfriend who always loved it.
I don't know what it is; Nor, why. I am a full grown woman; And, until the day my dad died I always greeted him as 'Daddy.' whenever I called, or sent cards home. He beamed, it brought back memories of an innocent, protected and loving past I reckon. We also had, very grown up, adult and mature interactions. There are few men, I've had relationships with that can pull this off with me. It takes a special type of quality and delicate balance one must have.
I've met some screwed up men, in my life. Some odd-strange men who lean too far, into the older-adult father role...or too far over into the other role...Or, just some ridiculous oafs who only want-What they want.
I know I'm not a picnic myself. I'm pigheaded, stubborn and determined. But, because my dad was balanced with me. I like to think of myself as being able to be balanced with men. Men I desire, which changes a lot. As, I'm focused on what I am doing right now. I came to Portland Oregon with a plan; You can either help me, or get the hell out of my way.
I will admit I'm not interested in the physical part of a relationship as much as I am in a friend, and companion. If sex becomes a part of any type of friendship-relationship-interaction with a man. I lose respect for them, and will not-Do not-Cannot take the poor bloke seriously, Ever. The desires of the body, are the desires which must be fed less.
I think, as people; We've moved far from what true desire is, Is meant to be and fed. The body can be fixed, fed and cared for easily.

It is the desires of the heart, for love, laughter and companionship which are the hardest to attain. This is the desire I think, must be focused on to thrive, survive and blossom in this world. When these desires are tended to, by ourselves and others there is nothing in the world
we
cannot
do
or
be.
Desire, Ah big sigh, as Valentine's Day approaches.