Good girl

Like a good girl I hopped up out of bed this a.m., put on the delicate pink tea kettle for hot water for coffee, swept the damn floor and laid down new rugs! This house where I live is so beautiful the floors are all wooden. It could stand soft, color and warm. I of course, readied myself and took myself to the Holy Mass. It is chilly and gray in NE Portland today; I am doing Income Tax Law homework Argghh. Yesterday, I was a very good Catholic girl; and went to confession. It was nice, it is important to me to get things out, reflect and roll on....as they say. I try to go to confession regularly as to even think bad thoughts...TO ME is sinful. They say you are what you think. I want to be a compassionate, forgiving and a positive force in the world. A true to earth one, who thinks good thoughts. I've been wondering about having emotions for people; and how it is easy to feel good emotions for someone you know, who treasures you.
A true test of being loving is to love someone you know is going to hurt you; who is going to break your heart. Someone you see no future with, someone you know is going to leave you in the wind....and you love them anyway. Pppppbbbttt I truthfully am not that brave, and courageous.
You know how they say 'if you love someone set them free.' I am not that gracious nor kind in the least. I generally let people go at the first sign injury might be inflicted upon my already wounded and injured heart. I dismiss them, like the poor bloke is a soldier in my private army. Loving someone who loves you is easy; loving someone you know is going to squash your every moving part into smithereens is a lot harder...But, it begs the question, 'Is love given truly wasted?' I've always believed some where some how....it was not the case, that love whether returned or burned or squandered did not depreciate by an unwelcoming receiver. At least I always thought I believed that.

The Spring term is coming to an end; and I am tired and feeling the crunch of it. Yet, I don't think I've ever been as happy as I did feel this term. I absolutely love this literature stuff I've been doing. We are reading Hamlet right now; and I'm going to look into more and more William Shakespeare. I want to look for a book on the Sonnets. I woke up this morning with a nagging feeling that something was coming. I think I'm still waiting. I haven't heard much from my sister or daughter; we text each other a million times a day! I haven't heard from any of my friends either? I think I'll fire them...immediate dismissal, Don't even clean out your work area!
It's a thought?